One pet quality dog or bitch from a reputable breeder

600

Doggy photo albumn, extra film

35

AKC registration and certified pedigree (for bragging)

33

Puppy vaccinations/rabies first year

250

Neuter/spay surgery to avoid OOPS! with neighbor's Rottie

75

Heartworm test and preventative (prevent now or hospitalize later - $500)

65

Fecal checks twice yearly

20

Fencing for the yard (small kennel to larger yard)

200 - 3,000

Reinforcement for fencing for yard (chickenwire, stakes, extensions)

50

Puppy kindergarten and obedience classes

125

Subscription to The Malamute Quarterly

44

Large den-like airline crate

140

Designer down-filled doggie bed for crate

45

Cheaper replacement doggie bed for crate when chewed up

25

Replace with old towel or rug when chewed again

2

Toys (truckload ofNylabones, Booda bones, kongs, balls, squeekies and stuffed animals to "kill" and gut)

75

Vet bill to remove balls, squeekies and stuffed animal parts

500

Training treats to motivate, "Mister, you want ME? to come??"

50

BitterApple, rawhides, chew hooves, pig ears (to save $5,000 on furniture and woodwork)

60

Repair chair, leg anyway

15

Doggy door (in out, in out, in out)

45

Baby gates (good until junior learns to jump)

35

Leash, collar, dishes, grooming brushes, nail clippers, pooper scooper

80

Coat grooming (home versus professional)

0-500

Dog license - save $3 if neutered

10

If you let him roam, include $$$ for livestock replacement, fines, angry neighbors and pound fees

250

Lawyer's consultation fee

75

Bath supplies - dog shampoo, Skunk-Off, dog towels

15

New high velocity dryer and elevated tub

225

Phone calls to breeder about "that Damn Dog"

156

Miscellaneous emergency vet care (dog fights, broken teeth)

240

Emergency vet care for neighbor's Shih Tzu that challenged your Mal

275

Ask for a frequent visitor discount from vet

(-25)

Cataract surgery, hip replacement, sweater to cover his coat funk

15-5,000

Food (if you buy cheap food, get a bigger pooper scooper)

750

Dog house and bedding (he's become so annoying in the house)

100

Boarding kennel for vacations

IO/day

Missing pies, roasts, brownies, chicken off countertop (The most vigilant among us has been outsmarted by a Malamute)

235

Child-proof locks for cupboards and refrigerator

5

Replace chewed pants with the doggie treats left in the pocket

60

Harnesses, sled, all-terrain vehicle to pull (couch potato or future Iditarod lead dog?)

0-2,500

Flea sprays/powders/collars, tick spray, Program for fleas

60

Commercial vacumn cleaner and bags

600

Bottle of Anti-shed

7

Gallons of Windex (for noseprints on glass)

50

Carpet cleaning (muddy paws on the new white Berber Stainmaster)

650

Give up and put down hardwood floor

2,000

Replace holes in lawn, dug up flowers, defoliated trees

195

Loss of entire summer's garden vegetables

50

Replace Barbie heads, X-rnen toys, rare discontinued Beanie Babies, etc,

125

Psychological counseling (owner) for unknown animal body part deposited on your lap as a present

75/hr

Assorted Malamute refrigerator magnets, knickknacks, collectibles

275

SECOND MALAMUTE ... show quality this time ...

1,200

Large van or sport utility vehicle that can transport TWO big dogs

30,000

*Disclaimer: For those drollery-impaired, this is humor.